“Arsenal vs Atlético Madrid 4–0: Arteta Wins the Haram Ball Derby”

Arsenal has won their Champions League group-stage game against Atlético Madrid by scoring four goals in just 13 minutes. The match was highly anticipated by football fans, as both sides are known for playing a “defensive-minded” style of football, also known as haram ball. However, Mikel Arteta proved that he was more Bin Ladined than his Atlético Madrid counterpart, Diego Simeone.

According to reports, a day before the game, Atlético Madrid players were denied access to hot showers at the Emirates. Looks like Arteta’s shithousery worked wonders, because they were absolutely terrible.

Martinelli opened the scoring for Arsenal in the 51st minute, with Timber making it two in the 63rd. Then Gyökeres ended his goal drought with a brace in the 67th and 70th minutes. He was also named Man of the Match for his performance.

Guess Arteta can definitely be crowned Mr. Haram. I mean, there was absolutely no way Arsenal — a team with up to eight solid defenders — weren’t going to haram their way to victory. One can safely conclude that if everything were up to Arteta, he’d probably buy 11 defenders as players. But I guess he isn’t totally in charge, because the people around him definitely understand that he’s not entirely normal — so impulsive!